January 2008
39 posts
Eastern Promises Drinking Game
Friends, if you’re bored one night and you’ve just rented Eastern Promises, I’ve come up with a little drinking game you can play whilst you watch. Grab a bottle of vodka and take a shot every time you see someone take a shot of vodka in the movie. Within the first 30 minutes, you get like 5, with a 3 in a row at one point. Whoa, you start getting really hammered. You start...
“Whoa, I’m really drunker than …, yep, that bottle of Svedka is...”
– Hamish, after playing his own drinking game
'08 Candidate Home Page FACEOFF!
I’ve decided to debate and compare the home page or intro page, whatever the first page you see when you enter each one of the ‘08 presidential candidates’ websites. John McCain’s site comes up in a completely black background. The B&W photo makes him look like he was running for the 1908 election. And then it says McCain … Donate Today! Bam! Not, McCain...
“I don’t know.”
– Ed Glosser, trivial psychic, when asked by many people over the course of a day how he got his powers
I Want Marty McFly's Sneakers!
If you don’t know me personally than you probably don’t know that I’m a huge fan of the Back to the Future series. Well, I am. Recently I got an e-mail asking me to sign-up to petition Nike to actually make the sneakers they designed for BTTF2. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, they were Nike sneakers that once you put ‘em on your feet they...
Ken Griffey Jr. Wants to Bang the President
I’m gonna keep this one short, because there’s not much to say here. Gold Glove winner Ken Griffey Jr. has said on many occasions he finds George W. Bush to be a sexy man. Yes, a sexy man. While this alone should disturb you there’s more to it. Bush wants Griffey. He wants him so bad, that he’s snuck into locker room’s of the Cincinnati Reds to watch Griffey...
“Here’s to being a week and a half in hell, before God realizes...”
– - Hamish
Robert Wagner is a Murderer
I had this dream when I was like 11 after seeing West Side Story for the first time. It involved Natalie Wood (Maria) and she was yelling at everyone not to touch my dead body. Of course I wasn’t dead, I was just making sure she still cared about me. It felt good that she did, and I secretly loved her for it. 11 year old Hamish lust was some of the strongest. Anyway, I was reading some...
“Jiminy Cricket is a whore.”
– - Hamish, after seeing Jiminy Cricket at the bar Saturday night make out with another chick while his girlfriend was in the bathroom
8 Years in an All-Dude Community
Ok, so we’re supposed to believe this one? For 8 years since being created, the Smurfs lived in an all-dude community. Not one female. Now, I don’t know the lifespan of the Smurfs, but you have to imagine with no females, they would never reproduce. Thus ending the Smurfs once and for all. I mean, we know they have to age, look at Papa Smurf, he obviously has aged from the other...
“You’ll be alright come tomorrow, but tomorrow may not be here for you.”
– - Lynard Skynard, That Smell
Buddy Holly, A Terrorist?
I found out some new information today, I thought I’d share with you. The plane crash back in 1959 that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper, might have not been so innocent. The owner of the flying service they took that night, said his pilot was not at fault, and that he must have been “incapacitated.” Also, a gun was found 2 months past the crash by...
“That blood coming out of your eyes is a bad sign, if you start convulsing, well,...”
– - Hamish, to anyone who has blood coming out of their eyes
Phil Collins Haunts My Days and Nights
I know what you’re thinking. Hamish, you’re being over dramatic, Phil Collins is not really haunting your every waking moment. LIES! He is, he is. That last photo I made out of all his solo albums was not what I wanted to do at all, his hands forced me to honor him. I always thought Phil was a little off since seeing that South Park episode, but to have his aura chase your mind...
“You know son, you’re no son of mine.”
– - Phil Collins, to his son after getting too drunk at his son’s 5th birthday party and killing thirty party guests
Who the Fuck Does Perry Como Think He Is?
Who the fuck does Perry Como think he is? I don’t know much about Perry Como, being I don’t listen to much easy listening from the 50’s like him and Pat Boone. I do know he sings “Papa Loves Mambo” featured in Back to the Future II playing from Biff’s radio. And I know he sings some Christmas songs and whatnot, but why is he going after Lois Lane? Or...
“I know this is my third marriage, but I feel so close with you, baby. I think...”
– - Jerry Lee Lewis to his third wife, Myra Brown, also his 13 year old first cousin once removed.
For All Footed Pajama Enthusiasts
I have found a website that will sell us onesie pajamas complete with footies and drop-down seat rears for taking a dump. Pretty much what I’ve been looking for my entire life, but have never been able to find. They look so comfortable and warm. I just want a pair so bad, so I can take a dump through the drop down rear. If you love me, then you’ll buy me a pair, size Large, design...
Eli Manning Makes Me Vomit
Well, the Giants are in the superbowl. That’s just fuckin’ great. The worst part is that Eli Manning helped them to get there. I know I’m prejudice being a die-hard Eagles fan, but c’mon. If my team was being led by someone who looked like that, I’d be throwing up constantly. How can you cheer for him? He looks like your demented 2nd cousin that everyone always...
Who is Barack Obama?
I got a forwarded e-mail recently with this bashing of Obama and who he is. I wanted to spend time today attempting to debunk this e-mail, but many people already have, and my debunking would be pages, and pages long. And I’m not necessarily that politically minded to actually go through with that. If people start believing forwarded e-mails that this world has become a sick place. I...
“We’re brothers till the end of time, together or not, you’re always...”
– - Renaldo Lapuz, the modern day John Lennon
Ryan Seacrest's Dreamy Eyes
I was watching Wednesday night’s American Idol the other day and caught myself gazing into Ryan Seacrest’s eyes. There’s some intangible quality about him that I just can’t get enough of. He’s so down to Earth and has amazing people skills. He bonds families together and helps the bad singers cope with their realization. It’s almost like he’s an angel...
“Life is one unending Katamari ball of sadness, it’s up to you to roll it...”
– - Hamish
Tobacco Salad
I’ve always had this idea that we should use the tobacco plant for more than just drying up and grinding and turning into smoking tobacco. I dreamed of a world where we could eat tobacco, like in a salad, a burger, or in a hoagie. It seems to be rather difficult getting fresh tobacco. I’ve tried, I don’t believe it’s available anywhere. I wondered why? I mean, it has...
“Honey, I think I just peed the bed again.”
– - Noah, three nights before the flood
The Cadbury Egg is HERE!
After a brief discussion I had at Wawa with a friend about when the Cadbury Eggs would start being sold, I got sad to see Wawa didn’t have ‘em yet. But, good news, I’ve found them at Super Fresh, right next to all the Valentine’s Day shit was a few boxes of Cadbury Egg’s for 59 cents a pop. Needless to say, I bought 3 boxes. For those who don’t know why...
Sixlets: A Cruel Trick of Life
Sixlets. Disgusting. A rather nasty trick created by the Hershey Company to make us suffer. Now as a child, I’d see a pack of Sixlets in my Halloween sac and I’d be like, “Oh, shit! These fuckers look to be just like M&M’s.” NO! They’re nothing like M&M’s, I don’t think there’s any real chocolate in it at all. Notice the...
“Time to hit the hay, oh wait, I forgot, I ate it!”
– - Mr. Ed, before going to bed and after a big meal of hay
Long Bets
I have found an amazing website I want you all to check out. It’s called Long Bets, and it takes bets or predictions for the future from either two people challenging each other or someone who wants someone to challenge their theory. Here is a little taste of some of the more amusing theories: By the year 2150, over 50% of schools in the USA or Western Europe will require classes in...
“That was the best rape I’ve ever had.”
– John Wayne Bobbit, moments before half his penis would be hacked off
Troy Glaus Sucks at Life
I’ve never liked Troy Glaus, probably never will. I always thought he came off rather assholyish. But, I’ve been thinking about him recently, and why he ever existed in this world. I remember seeing him in a Home Run Derby and thinking to myself, why is Troy Glaus in a Home Run Derby? I think he hit like 3 during the whole derby. Good job, Troy, you are amazing. He was named...
Clay Aiken & His Asshole
I was looking over cnn.com today and I read this article about Clay Aiken and how he is going to be in Spamalot on Broadway. Besides from that being retarded, there was one part of the article that disturbed me. It said: He told the magazine he was so sore from rehearsals he “couldn’t even get off the toilet the other day.” What the fuck? Why couldn’t he get off the...
The Scope of My Blogdom
I don’t know what I’m doing, not at all. I started this because I hate my friend Rico’s blog. But, that’s not my true inspiration. I have a lot to say, that makes no sense, so I’m going to write it down to share with y’all. I don’t plan on scouring the internet looking for things to show you that I’ve found. If I stumble across something,...
“Blogs are for pussies.”
– Ulysses S. Grant, quoted from his graduation speech from West Point 1843
Hamish McMonkey Pants!
Hamish McMonkey Pants is about to bring the pain …
