I hate to be the one to vent on things. Actually, I love to be the one. Fuckin’ McNabb. You’re seriously making everyone hate you. Why? Why do you smile when you throw horrible incompletions? That is killing each and every one of the Eagles fans. We just got done with the Phillies winning it all for us. Then we come to watch our beloved Eagles play football and we’re having a tough time out there. That’s OK, I’ve come to accept the fact that we can’t win every game, and that we’re not the best underrated team in the NFL. But, when you throw a ball 5 feet over a guys head who’s wide open and then you are just smiling when the camera is on you, I want to fuckin’ kill you. I want to rip your fuckin’ lips off your face and pour so much Chunky soup down your throat that your shit looks like Bloody Bean Orzo. I mean come on, man. Show some fuckin’ passion for the game. Make us feel your pain when we’re doing bad. Make us stick behind our team. Let us have that average team, that everyone still loves and respects. You won’t give us that will you, McNeezy? You just want us to hate you and hate you until you’re traded to the Vikings and we all curse your name.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Just come out and play some football and show you care. Show that it’s not just a game for shits and giggles. Show us that we should care for what you do, and make us feel bad when you suffer. Get mad. Throw your fuckin’ helmet. Yell at people on the sidelines. Fuckin’ kick the Gatorade stand into Jon Runyan and then fist fight him to the death. Whip your giant dick out and rub it all over Akers before he goes out for field goals. DO SOMETHING. Make me love you again, not just like you.
SIDE NOTE: This whole bullshit about not knowing there is only one overtime in football makes me sick. Blow me where the fuckin’ pampers are, because if you thought the game was not over, why did you throw a fuckin’ 70 yard jump ball at the end of the game. Pretty much the stupidest thing ever if we were going to play another quarter of OT.
He’s actually only allowed to smile if he’s fro-ing his hair out.
Yeah, I know, shit has happened. And as someone who’s supposed to write about shit in his blog. I haven’t. I’m sorry. Let me recap.
Yes, we won the World Series. And I was on Broad Street with the rioters. I didn’t flip cars or start bonfires. But, I saw a lot of crazy shit like people ripping down trees and climbing lamp posts and traffic lights. Shit was out of control, at one point 12 dudes riding a dumpster crashed into the sidewalk near us. But, when it’s all said and done. The Phillies won the fuckin’ World Series. FUCK YEAH BITCHES! EAT OUR ASSHOLES NOW! WE ARE THE FUCKIN’ CHAMPS! BOW BEFORE OUR GREATNESS! SUCK IT, SUCK IT, SUCK IT HARD!
In honor of the Phillies winning the championship 2 days prior. I decided to dress as my favorite Phillie, Eric Bruntlett. Or Bruntballs as I love to call him. And let me tell you something, Bruntballs got mad props from people out and about on Halloween. Not only from my friends, but people at the bar loved Bruntballs and thanked him for scoring the winning run in the final WS game. BRUNTBALLS!
Bruntballs & John Kruk, and the Jackal. It was a Bruntballs converted Pat Burrell jersey, and I also wore cleats all night. Bad idea. My feet fuckin’ hurt.
#3: President-Elect Obama
Obama is going to be the new president. I’m happy. For once in my life the man I voted for won. In 2000, Ralph Nader didn’t win. In 2004, John Kerry didn’t win. Finally, my vote was for the man who will be stepping into the Oval Office and getting blown from underneath his desk. I am so proud. Plus, I like some of his ideas. Especially the one about free ice cream cones on the 1st of da month.
Chonk that shit, Mr. President.
ONTO THE WEEKEND:
#4: Eagles/Giants: Sunday Night
Gonna be a pure shit show. Especially tailgating all day until the game gets on the way at 8:30PM. And Eli Manning is going to bleed brown blood from his asshole as we constantly pound his ass. I love Eagles/Giants, it’s more exciting than Eagles/Cowboys right now. I just want to pound them. I want to show the world that the Giants are a shitshow team and they do not deserve any props they get. I WANT THEM TO SHIT ON THE FIELD AND BE CARRIED OFF IN STRETCHERS. I said it, now I can’t take it back. Blargh mina.
#5: Flag Football
Back to back games at 2PM and 3PM. The 2PM game is a battle of High School past. As in the team we are playing is a lot of guys most of our team graduated high school with. It’s going to be a fuckin’ shit show. And this will be the most important game of the year. We must win. Not only for bragging rights, but we are better than them. And they must feel our wrath. I WANT THEM TO SHIT ON THE FIELD AND BE CARRIED OFF IN STRETCHERS. I said it, now I can’t take it back. Franks and beans.
#6: Friday/Saturday Night
Yeah, I have no idea what’s going down either of those days. But, I promise you it will be a shit show of all things unholy. Betcha.
#7: Playoff Beard
Say Goodbye to it folks … this will be it’s final weekend.