Up Yours YouTube
Well, I was going to post a little music video I did, but YouTube keeps killing my computer and I can’t get it to upload. Damn you big files, DAMN YOU YOUTUBE! Expect the video to be up later today or tomorrow. I will get it up, I promise, but I’m at work now and can’t retry the upload.
No, I don’t believe our love’s terminal, I’m down on my knees,...– - Boyz II Men, On Bended Knee, it’s nice that they don’t think their love’s terminal. But, do they mean that they don’t think the love’s coming to an end, or that they don’t believe that their love will eventually cause their untimely deaths. The question you...
Don't Fear the Wu-Tang
Well, I just bought my tickets for my 3rd Wu-Tang show and I want people to know that there is no need to fear the Wu-Tang. I think a lot of people think about going to a rap concert, but they fear once they get there they will be killed by some big ass gangsta dude who hates you. You’re crazy. That dude doesn’t come to the show. He’s too busy doing his gang-banging shit on...
Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas, rat to Romans while...– - Ghostface Killah doin’ his shit on GZA’s “4th Chamber” on Liquid Swords
Acme, Can Eatme
Let me tell you something people, I don’t shop for a family. OK? I shop for myself and for my 2 roommates (occasionally). I am 25 years old, and I live with in a house with 2 dudes. When I buy soda, chips, condiments, and plates, it doesn’t mean I’m having a party. Why am I always asked that? Why must all Acme cashiers want to know if I’m having a party? Am I going...
Grocery Store Conversation
Cashier: You having a party?
Hamish: No, this is what I eat daily.
Cashier: Oh. (Stares at me, to see if my face shows I'm lying to her.)
Hamish: I have a coupon for that Chex Mix.
Daniel Day Lewis is Insane
I had about 4 conversations, this weekend alone about Daniel Day Lewis and how he must be insane. I’ve come to the following conclusion. Daniel Day Lewis lives in a cabin in Wyoming with his wife and 3 boys, Gabriel, Ronin, and Cashew. Named after an angel, his favorite DeNiro movie, and his favorite nut. He never leaves the cabin under any circumstance. Until his agent tells him...
Fuck you, Bill Conti.– - Hamish, what he wanted everyone to say at the Oscars when Conti would strike up the orchestra and start playing them off during their acceptance speeches
Hamish Note . . .
Sorry, about the lack of writings recently, I have been real busy with things. Also, I’m heading to NYC today. So, expect things to pick up again next week. That is all suckas …
Limes and cucumbers are very similar when it’s dark and you’re...– - Hamish, trying to rationalize why he ate an entire slice of lime, rine and all.
More on the Future . . .
I sit here late night Monday, or early Tuesday, whichever way you want to call it is fine with me. Anyway, I sit here thinking about the future. I feel like the mid-twenties is a time most of us don’t look towards the future. We kind of are trying to set ourselves into what we are doing now and not really looking into the grand scheme of things. Well, maybe it’s just me. I kind of...
The Future . . .
Jennifer: Dr. Brown, I brought this note back from the future and now it's erased.
Doc: Of course it's erased!
Jennifer: But what does that mean?
Doc: It means your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you.
Would Prince Die 4 U?
I sit here thinking that Prince probably would probably not die for me. Even though when I listen to his song I Would Die 4 U, I want to think that he will die for me. He would die for me? Die if I want him to? Why would he die for me? I don’t know Prince, he has to think he’s Jesus. What’s with the lyrics in this song: “I’m not a woman, I’m not a man, I...
If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?– - Hamish, remembering how clever he thought he was in 9th grade
Why Do I Hate Hipsters?
Well, I don’t hate all hipsters. That would just be wrong. One should never hate an entire group of people. But, a group of people who get to choose who they are, it’s pretty pathetic. Let’s get to the heart of this. I really didn’t understand what a hipster was until a couple years ago. I saw them around and I knew I didn’t like ‘em, but to really...
I’m such a baby cause the dolphins make me cry.– - Hamish tries but can’t understand Hootie or his Blowfish
Hannah Montana Wants Me to Die
I was reading another Yahoo article today about Billy Ray Cyrus apologizing for being photographed in the back seat of his car with his daughter who is Hannah Montana. I know what you were thinking, were they making out? No. That won’t soothe his achy breaky heart. It was just that they were both not wearing seatbelts. AH! Now a score of kids are going to not wear their seatbelts...
Yahoo asked me a question. The answer? Yes.
Seems like Valentine’s Day is just celebrating a bunch of Christians who...– Hamish being negative towards holidays
I Hate Roger Clemens
I sit here, watching the live Congressional hearing, cause I’m bored and this guy Elijah Cummings (D-MD) is really going hardcore right at Clemens face. Clemens keeps saying how much he likes Andy Pettitte, but how he was mistakened about their conversation. Even though Pettitte has testified many times that Clemens did say it, and that Pettitte told his wife, and she testified that he did...
Roger Clemens is a liar.– - Hamish, yelling at his TV as he watches the live congressional hearing.
Mormon Underwear Power!
I had a long discussion about this at Christmas time with my family, and I forget why. And it was brought up last night due to Bill Maher making fun of Mitt Romney wearing his Mormom “magic underwear.” I realized that not everyone knows about it, so I’ll share it with you. Mormons wear magic underwear. There I said it. It’s true, well not all Mormons but mostly the...
I’m all lost in the supermarket, I can no longer shop happily.– - The Clash, Lost in the Supermarket
Why Did I Watch the Grammy's?
I don’t usually watch ‘em. I was bored Sunday night, and there was nothing else to do. So I managed to watch the entire Grammy’s and there were some things that need to be talked about. One: I don’t understand Amy Winehouse, why is she so good? Someone explain this one to me. I thought her performance was boring, and very cabaret. Just cause she sings like...
I’ve got all 27 of my Grammy’s shoved up my ass.– - Hamish, wishing that Quincy Jones was going to say that at the Grammy’s last night
Hitler's Not as Scary
Adolf Hitler’s not as scary when you realize his last name is from the German word Hittler, meaning “one who lives in a hut” or “shepherd.” When I think about Hitler living in a hut or being a shepherd, he doesn’t seem so bad. If only he lived up to the origins of his last name. He might have made a damn good shepherd who lives in a hut, bossing his sheep...
After drinking Svedka and watching Shaun of the Dead, I want to find who it was...– - Hamish, after drinking Svedka and watching Shaun of the Dead
Wear Your Religion!
Ok, so today’s Ash Wednesday and if you don’t know it’s when Catholics put ashes on their foreheads in the shape of a cross to show repentance to God. Now, I don’t go to church every Sunday, but if I’m most associated with a religion it would be Catholicism, mostly due to the fact that I was raised one. And when I do go to church it’s a Catholic church. Now...
You've Never Seen a Taste Like This
Much like other pop culture phenomenoms that came and went, I am obsessed with Crystal Pepsi. I’m not going to spend my time explaining to you what Crystal Pepsi was, because if you weren’t around in the early 90’s you will never get anything I write. I fell for the craze like everyone else and made my Mom buy tons of Crystal Pepsi. The funny thing is, when reading up on it,...
Kiss my ass.– - John Wayne Gacy’s supposed final words before being given the “lethal” injection
I Named My Balls Rocky and Rambo
Sylvester Stallone will not give up yet. He hit us hard with the late sequels of Rocky and Rambo, and apparently he’s going to try to do it again. SEE HERE! Now, I was really happy with both movies. But, he’s doing what he did the first time, and it might not be a good idea. He took these movies to death. Rambo 3 sucked assturds and Rocky V just wasn’t good. It was bad. ...
Standing Tall on the Wings of My Dream
Today is a big day. A day I’ve been waiting for since they started releasing TV shows on DVD. I’ve been petitioning since that day for this show to finally come to DVD. And that day has come, today. That’s right folks, one of my top 10 favorite TV shows, Perfect Strangers, releases season 1-2 on DVD today! GO TO BEST BUY, BUY IT! You won’t be disappointed. When I...
I hope you fall on your face with your hands in your pockets!– - Balki Bartokomous, really giving it to cousin Larry this time
So the Giants Won?
When I said I was happy about the Giants winning the Superbowl I got punched 4 times in my arm. I want to explain myself. I hate the Giants, I hate the Patriots. It was like watching a superbowl of babies fighting assholes. I didn’t want either team to win, but their was good and bad in either or winning. You see I hate Giants due to me being an Eagles fan. They are in our division and...
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.– - Edgar Allan Poe, most likely after drinking a ton of Bushmills
Superbowl Party Games
Since, I recently learned that we’re having a Superbowl party at my house, I decided to look up some “games” to do or play during the game. I was looking for something fun other than the usual betting pool with numbers. I found this site that gave me a few suggestions: Challenge your guests to a football tossing contest. If you can play outdoors, the person who can toss a...
How to Make Milk Better
You know milk, right? Yeah, milk, that wonderful stuff created by cows for apparently our consumption. Lord knows why. I mean when you think of it, it’s pretty gross. We do drink milk from other animals like goats, occasionally. But, we don’t drink breast milk, except as babies. Why? I bet if we started pasteurizing human milk, it might be pretty good, especially when added to...
The real question is how Layla got Clapton on his knees for seven minutes and...– - Hamish, after listening to Layla intoxicated a few nights ago