Yeah, I fucked your girlfriend and she hated it. After we were done she mentioned how much better you were in the sack. And now you’re mad at me for that? That’s ridiculous. I just made you seem like that much better of a lover. You should be thanking me, so FUCKIN’ THANK ME YOU SHIT EATING MAGGOT EATER.
All right, I was just lying. I didn’t fuck your girlfriend. I’m sorry, I would never do that to you. Bill Medley might (see above girlfriend fuckin’ grin). But, I would never do that to you. I’m just in that kind of mood where I feel like hurting your feelings. Jesus, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go back to watching Dirty Dancing, I’ll stop wasting your time.
“Where are you going? There’s a Heath Ledger tribute after the credits.”— Jeff Murphy, at 3 AM last night as the credits rolled for The Dark Knight, and also the reason that we should never believe his lies, he is the one, kill him.
So, I looked for a chair that would cool my ass in my hot as shit room … and I found it.
It’s a USB Seat Cooler chair that has a fan that sucks in surrounding air and then pushes it through the special cushion when a certain pressure has been reached which creates a cooling effect on your ass. Nice. Unfortantely, every search for actually buying the chair only came up with like 50 techie blogger’s websites. When I finally found a link to the company I was greated with this strange image:
And nowhere was there some kind of English conversion. I was told it was only $41. Ok, great, where do I send the cash? Oh, no one can tell me. Ugh, the search continues to cool my hot, hot ass …
“Every time I try to walk away, something makes me turn around and stay, and I can’t tell you why …”— The Eagles, and I know what turns you around Don Henley, I can tell you why, it’s that your afraid that she’ll go telling all your friends about your freakish bedroom mannerisms. Such as the rule: Minimum 4 dildos per set of anal beads on the bed at all times. Now tell us why, Don, now tell us.
I thought this was pretty interesting so I thought I’d share. Apparently my Boyz II Men music video (if you don’t know, watch) has been copyright claimed by UMG, the Universal Music Group.
They apparently own the rights to On Bended Knee and I thought my ass was grass and they were going to sue and destroy my life just for making a video with me singing on the potty. But, no, they didn’t, they authorized me to use the song in my video. Crazy, right?
Your video is still live because UMG has authorized the use of this content on YouTube. As long as UMG has a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views.
So, these people at UMG watched me singing on the toilet and in the shower and said, “Nicely done Hamish, we love it, so let’s keep it online.” It kind of blew my mind, still picking up pieces of it from the floor. But, then I found why they would let this stay up.
Copyright owner: UMG Content claimed: Some or all of the audio content Policy: Allow this content to remain on YouTube.
Place advertisements on this video’s watch page.
Applies to these locations: Everywhere
That’s why. Now if you go to my YouTube page of the video, you will see a little ad to the right of me singing on the toilet. Funny enough when I just went to it right now, there was an ad for buying Boyz II Men ringtones. So I did buy a few. I just thought this was interesting, so I wanted to share.
SIDE NOTE: Don’t you think they should make Animal Crackers with some kind of red jelly inside of them so when you eat them it looks like their guts and blood. Why am I telling you this? I need to get out and market these fuckers.
Now, I don’t know if anyone has seen it yet, but if you’re not busy RIGHT NOW, go to Love Park in Philly and see it first hand.
That’s right folks, there is a GIANT Eddie Murphy head traveling across this strange, strange country of ours. And I know he’s got a new movie coming out where it’s something about him being in his own head, or him being a giant fat man or being 300 different people in the same movie, but do we really need to be walking down the street and be subjected to this. It’s horrifying. It’s scary. It’s like the Eddie Murphy head could date the Statue of Liberty. And I’m sure that idea would be a better movie idea than anything Eddie Murphy’s done for the past 20 years. What’s with the insane advertising campaigns people have been creating … what are they trying to do? It doesn’t make us want to see the movie, it makes us hate it even more. Bad advertising leads to less revenue. Lock that up. BAN EDDIE MURPHY movies until he makes an R-Rated movie with nudity and curses and Arsenio Hall.