Hamish McMonkey Pants

Mickey’s Gonna Kick Some Ass

I read the most disturbing article ever today and am afraid of the repercussions that this is going to hold.

Man Guilty of Groping Minnie Mouse

This is bad news folks, not just that there are grandfather’s out there pinching asses and grabbing boobs on cartoon character mascots, but what this means via Mickey’s revenge.  I mean, they’ve been together for like 70, 80 years.  And this old dude’s gonna come into his home, act like he’s taking a picture with her and then totally molest her innocent mousey body.  This is some fucked up shit.  If someone came into my home and pulled that shit with my girl, I would probably stomp their ass inside out, so that when they shit it would go back inside their body.  Think about this, real hard.  It makes no sense, but perfect sense.  I fear what is going to happen as a result of this … I will just stand back and watch, and stay far away when that drunk mouse with a shotgun comes through …

CVS Story

So, anyway, I went to get my prescriptions filled, and I was sitting in the CVS Pharmacy waiting area.  Really tiny one too, about 3 seats and a blood pressure cuff bench.  And the store was pretty empty.  A young 20 year old black kid comes in and grabs a magazine and sits down next to me.  First I thought, this isn’t a doctor’s office, it’s a store, you just can’t sit here and read magazines.  But, I got over it quick, because seriously who fuckin’ cares?  So, we were just sitting there waiting, listening to whatever bullshit CVS satellite radio they’ve got playing.  Then “What About Love?” by Heart comes on.  It’s pretty quiet in there, and as the song reaches the lyric part I hear next to me, “I’ve been lonely, I’ve been waiting for you, I’m pretending and that’s all I can do.”  I was about to burst out laughing and I turned to him for a quick second.  He said, “I like Heart.”  And I said, “Yeah, man, they rock.”  Then we both went back to being quiet.

Blew my mind.

Endodontry or How to Rob Gulliable People

So, as it was, I had to get a root canal today.  And I went to my dentist a few weeks ago, and they couldn’t get it done.  Which happens I guess, so I didn’t get to upset.  But, when I realized that I’d have to see an endodontist and pay pretty much straight out of pocket, it pissed me off.  So, I shopped around, and found one in Drexel Hill that seemed to be good, and also was the cheapest that I could get.

$746.

Yep, I spent $746 to have a dude drill into my teeth.  It took about 15 minutes.  Probably less.  Then he goes, “OK, done, we’ll finish up on your next appontment.”  I’m thinking, what the fuck dude, it took you 15 minutes to do this first part, why not just finish now and call it a night.  But, I don’t argue much.  So, I made my appointment and then I got a script for some Percoset.  I was thinking, Wow!  Percoset, I had no idea.  I love pain killers.  Who doesn’t?  So, I left happy.

In my car I realized, is this SOB gonna charge me another $746 to finish the same tooth?  I have no idea.  And now I’m scared and worried.  I never asked, and I don’t want to ask.  He fooled me by leaving me on a good note with the Percoset and I wasn’t even thinking about am I gonna have to pay another $746.  Shit.  I got duped by the King of the Dupers, and then bribed with some Percoset.

But, let me tell you, if I was a dentist, I’d want to be this guy.  Just listens to opera all day and works for 15 minutes at a time.  Doesn’t do weekends, and doesn’t have appointments past 3 PM.  And makes $746 per 15 minutes, and then dishes out pain killers.  What a wonderful life.

Sorry.

I’m sorry that I’ve stop writing things on my blog.  I’ve been real busy with the holiday season and whatnot.  I really haven’t had much time to do anything.  To add with that I’ve been going crazy personally and don’t really have much motivation to write.  I’m sorry.  I suck ass.  Well, it’s gonna go like this, I’m taking a vacation to Orlando until January 11th.  At that point I will begin again to write for my blog.  So, I will see you all again post vacation.  Have a wonderful holiday season and go fuck yourself.

Love,

Hamish McMonkey Pants

Weekend or Where Am I?

Look you monkey breeding assholes, I don’t know what you expect out of me.  I’m lazy and I don’t usually feel like doing anything besides staring off into space and dreaming of living in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.  But, for you, I will do it.  Do it.  DO IT.

#1: Playoff Flag Football

We actually won our first playoff game to get us into this week.  Now at 8:30 AM tomorrow morning we have to wake up and possibly play 3 games.  Sounds rough, but fun.  And I plan on vomiting on the field, just like my fav football player Donny McNeezey.

#2: Eagles

We’re going to beat the Giants this week and show everyone why they are not the best team in football.  They are merely illusions.  It’s easy to pretend like you’re good in football, but to prove it, against a team that wants your blood, is difficult.  So, Eli?  GIVE ME THE BLOOD ELI.  GIVE IT TO ME!  I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!

#3: Fantasy Football Playoffs

Well, I’ve made it and am forced to play Wangaholic for a second straight week.   Since I know no one really cares about my fantasy football playoffs.  I’ll keep this short and sweet.  Tiny cinnamon buns.

#4: Plaxico

I shot myself in the leg before.  It’s rough, and embarrassing.  I can only feel his pain in knowing not only did he do it.  But, now everyone knows and they’re not letting him play football and they want to put him in jail.  Shit.  That sucks.  So, I shoot myself in the leg and you take away my livelihood and my freedom?  But, Ray Lewis kills someone and he’s still allowed to tackle Clinton Portis next week.  WHAT THE FUCK?  Don’t think I’m sticking up for Plaxico, cause I actually hate him way more than Ray Lewis.  But, I think people that kill people are worse than people who shoot themselves.

“Ow, my leg!”

#5: JCVD

So, I saw the movie, JCVD.  If you don’t know what it is, find out now. Anyway, I want you all to know, it’s no JCVD action movie. It’s like a French foreign film that’s actually really good and interesting.  And the JCVD monologue to the camera is perhaps one of the most moving moments I’ve ever seen from Van Damme.  Of course I had a bottle of Aquafina filled with straight vodka with me.  But, that only enhances my own ideas of the movie into greater ones.  It doesn’t spin me one way or the other on the film itself.  Go see it.  SEE IT.

#6: Headache

I’ve had a headache for a week, and it sucks.  It doesn’t go away, but hopefully soon it will.  I am suffering from PCS.  Pussy cock syndrome.  No, seriously.  It’s not pussy cock syndrome, that doesn’t even make sense.  Or maybe it does, but if it does make sense than I’m not suffering from it.  And since I have PCS and this headache, I’m really tired of typing … hopefully this will end soon …