Michael Vick and How to Save Philadelphia
Ok, ok, ok, I’m fed up with the five billion e-mails, texts, facebook updates all involving everyone’s own opinion on the whole Michael Vick thing. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it. Personally, I love it. But, that’s not what we’re talking about here. Because, I’m tired of it. Win, lose or draw, we have Michael Vick on the Eagles and it’s time to make the best of it.
I was reading recently about all the money problems the city of Philadelphia has been having and how we’re going to have to start shutting down local pools, youth clubs, and libraries to save on the money. It sucks to rob people of government operated things due to a shitty economy, if there’s no library where will the children expand their minds? God only knows. And right when all was seeming to slide downhill on Philly in comes Michael Vick.
He brings with certain skill sets that no one else could provide, and he also is in search of a way to give back to the community. Well, Philadelphia needs you Michael Vick. What can you do for us? So, I drew up in my head everything I know about Michael Vick and came up with a 2-part plan of action.
1) If Michael Vick starting sleeping all around with random chicks in Philadelphia and his genital warts became rampant, people would stop having unprotected sex. Not only would it keep down on population, but it would keep kids off the street. And due to the closing of safe places where children can go, this is a huge deterent for unwanted teenage pregnancy, and all Michael Vick has to do is fuck. And I’m pretty sure he knows how to do that, he was in jail for awhile.
2) Forget legalizing weed, closing post offices, or laying off more workers, to really start the money flowing in the city we need Michael Vick to begin opening up government run dog fighting arenas. We could have each section of Philly have their own team of dogs, and the fun would begin. The West Philly Bulldogs vs. The Fishtown Fighting Poodles. Not only would it unite neighborhoods together with pride, but the revenue at one of these events could be gigantic. Think about the food/beverage sale alone, not to mention the betting that would bring so much money in. I mean that’s why Vick was in it to begin with. It’s a money making monster, and now we need Vick to bring that to us, and he will. He’s one devious bastard.
Save us, Vicky, we need you.
