Hamish McMonkey Pants




Hamish is not a person, he is a state of mind with no physical form to contain him. Kind of like a Sizzler, without the buffet.

#98

So, there’s a little bar at 8th & Fitzwater by the name of Vesuvio’s.  They do a lot of Eagles postgame shows there, and they have an amazing special that every drink is $4.  No matter if it’s an expensive beer or a glass of Johnny Walker Black, it’s still $4.  So, needless to say I was there last night getting my crunk on.  It was after work so I was a little hungry for some dinner.  They also have a very good menu with what they call the #1 sandwich in the country.

VESUVIO’s CHEESESTEAK BLT
filet mignon, caramelized onions, bacon, provolone, lettuce, tomato, sriracha mayo.

I’ve had it before, and let me tell you.  Amazing.  So, anyways, I was feeling a little peckish last night, and I was reading through their menu, trying to find something that suited my half-crunk mind’s pleasure.  Then the bartender says to me, if you can’t decide what you want, you need to have the #98.  It was one of their specials of the week created by the Eagles very own defensive tackle, Mike Patterson.  I looked to see what Mike had created.  It was a sandwich with pulled pork, crispy chicken tenders, gouda cheese, crispy fried onion peels, and served with a side of homemade BBQ kettle chips.  I was very tempted.  The guy sitting next to me at the bar said, “I came here on Sunday and spent the whole day watching football, and I had 3 of those #98’s.”  I thought to myself, alright, I guess they must be good and not that overwhelming.  “Barkeep!  Hook me up with a #98.”  Before I continue, I want to show you Mike Patterson with our insanely fat coach, Andy Reid.

He’s a tank.  And standing next to a “I eat cheesesteaks on the sidelines” Andy Reid, you can really tell his girth.  This sandwich came out and it’s about 8 inches tall.  And the bread was spread out to the side just to make it look shorter.  Bear in mind, I have a giant fuckin’ mouth and can chonk almost anything.  I had to open the jaw to full capacity just to get from bread to bread with a single bite into my gully.  But, to keep #98 happy, I’d like to say I finished the beast and have now woken up @ 3 AM to write about it.  Why am I up at 3 AM?  Because my stomach feels like Mike Patterson took a shit in it.  Thanks Mike, you and your boys better kick the shit out of the Chiefs on Sunday, or I’m gonna find out where you live and load up your front porch with all the fecal matter I produce from your stomach damaging sammy.

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